y'all get scared now ya hear?

4:02pm: today was a pretty exciting day! the end of school!!! woop woop!
although im not exempt from all my classes, im pretty much done. and thats neat!
im thinking about going to the show at walters on washington tonight. i havent been there in a long time. i havent been anywhere in a long time actually. cause im so dang busy! roarr! i think im gonna have a lazy summer. or the exact opposite. ha! i do have alot planned. church camp for two weeks. mission trip. colorado with my dad. maybe three weeks of summerschool. north carolina to see my brother before he leaves for kuwait. on and on and on! oh yeah and stubinville!! HECK YES! well tonight sarah has invited about fifteen girls from the highschool to stay the night so its bound to be a suprising night and i cant wait. mmm yum fun! ok bye!?!?!?!??!<3 old pic still sorry!

rachele!

5:45pm: so i havent been on this thing in a long time. i pretty much forgot i even had it. but yeah.
whatever.

5:38pm: i got to see timothy in four days and i get to dress up and go dancing. sounds like fun huh? hahaha yeahh!

7:09pm: tim sent me a package in the mail with a suprise plane ticket inside for homecoming!! i got the dress the day before yesterday. i ate two very nasty worms for some fear factor thing at meagans b-d party and so did travis. i get my license at the end of this month. i cant wait!! even though im sure i will learn to hate driving since i will have to do soo much of it. i forgot to call sonic today to see if i got the job. thats dumb. im dumb. ahh well.

6:26pm: this sunday my brother is getting married and tonight im going to the house where the wedding is going to be held and im decorating and cleaning things up. im just starting to realise how seriouse this whole hurricane thing really is. like everywhere i go there are shelters... this is all so sad. i cant image anything like that ever happening to me or to houston. i just cant picture it. all those sad and lonely people with family missing and no possible way to find them. can you imagine you and your family getting seperated and it being practically impossible to track them down? i mean.. always wandering, looking for something better... there are sooooo many people right now going through one of the things i fear the most.

3:57pm: im going to the used tonight with ameneh. greg is taking us. i wish i wasnt in such a bad mood right now so that i could be excited about tonight. i miss being able to freely express myself like i could when i was little. now that im older i am expected to act a specific way or we get into trouble. like today i was in class and we werent doing anything and i got writen up for laughing. i cant even laugh when i want to. when people treat me like that i always feel like im getting in trouble for being myself. i cant wait for the winter. why do i always want things that i cant have? i wish that there was no time and we could do whatever we want whenever we want. im so tired of always having bounderies.

6:45pm: OK so i just filled out an application for sonic on spencer and i really need a job and my friend from choir that works there refered me so i really think im gonna be able to get a job!! and i really need the money!! ahhh!!! ok well i im really excited for the underoath, thrice, veda, the bled, senses fail, and saves the day. not only that but i get to see the used with ameneh on this friday and i am really excited!!! i just have to figure out who is gonna take us there.

4:06pm: im tired of fighting with tim. he wants me to move to california after highschool and i dont want to go there and i never have and he doesnt understand that and he just wants to start his career straight out of highschool. i dont want to be pushed into something im not absolutly sure about. thats just how i am.

8:36pm: my friend julian is here with me at my moms house visiting and we are like running around singing alot..asdgflfhgaslfkgfsiga
i feel really bad for sarah right now!!

6:04pm: ughhh i hate drama soo much!! freal! poor kidss!!!<3

4:20pm: i had a dream last night that i was in love with this guy that had long brown hair and was the sweetest person ever and we were in this old builing that was really dark and cold and abandonded and the two of us were in one room of this building and my mom and stepdad were in another and me and this guy were holding eachother and kissing and keeping eachother warm and stuff and all of a sudden he grabs my by the hair on my head and slams me down to the ground and starts fucking BEATING me and there was nothing i could do. i didnt want to fight beck becuase i loved him and i didnt want to hurt him but i couldnt figure out why he was hitting like this. i mean he was hitting me so hard i could almost feel the pain really. then when he let me go i just stood there and stared at him and said that i was going to go tell my mom and that he would never be able to see me again and that he had just ruined my life and his own forever and that its his own damn falt. well i started running down this long hallway trying to find my mom and i found her sittin in this one nice ass room with a fire and a recliner and i pulled up the back of my shirt and showed her all the bad markes on my back and she got up and as we were walking to the room i had been in, where i thought he would still be, i was all telling my mom to not be mean to him and just explain to him that it was wrong and to never do it again cause i still wanted to be with him.. ahh why would i do that i dont know but anyways. thats all i remember but it was so scary it woke me up and i cant stop thinking about it. i feel like it really happened to me and now anytime some hits me i get really reeally pissed off. like today sarah hit me alot and i was like "fuckin stop!" but she didnt. so i dont konw what to do.

12:03am: im already tired of school. its making me sleepy all the time. im at my moms house right now. i think im going to be here for the rest of the weekend. i might go shopping tomorrow. im going out with one of my good old friends tomorrow and i cant wait to see him again. his name is julian and he just told me today that he thinks he wants to be a runway model. i think thats really cool that hes found something that he loves. i went to his house today to say hello and he said he felt like he was seeing a dead person. haha it was great. i cant wait to go hangout tomorrow and get to know him again and talk like we used to in the old days. me and that kid go way back into middle school. we actually went out when i was in seventh or eighth grade and i broke up with him as soon as i figured out that he didnt really like girls hahahaha. hes funny though. i love that kid. im gonna take as many pictures of the two of us together. my brother is here at my moms house with me and hes bragging about all these new bands on the radio and that he loves them and stuff and im just like.. thinking how he has no idea what hes talkin about. haha hes kinda funny though to listen to. ok well i think im gonna go hang out with my family..
i miss tim.

9:08pm: i think im just gonna go look for my camara right now so that i have something to take pictures with at the daphne loves derby show tomorrow

4:42pm: so school starts in three days and i cant believe it. ahh i wish i never had to go back. although i do miss my friends.
i need to get a job really bad but i cant till i get my license. thats dumb. daphne loves derby and this providence are tomorrow at the engine room. i cant wait. im going with ameneh and maybe sarah. sarah might not be able to go depending on nana and whether or not she wants to give her a ride to the show. this year is going to be so stressful for me i mean i have to drive around and remember so many things. im so horrible at remembering things and its going to get me into alot of trouble when i cant figure out whats missing and what i was supposed to be doing. ah that always happens to me. i think its because of my add. mad i hate that stupid thing.

11:56am: tim is in california right now with his mom and i am so jealose ! i wanna be there with him. that would be so much fun.
i dont think im quite ready for school to start really. i mean i just hate the fact that im going to have to do so much work. ahh. oh well. yeah so yesterday i almost killed my mom and me. i was driving and i was tryin to change lanes but i couldnt because the car in the other lane that had gotten over decided to come back into the land right in front of me so then i had to go back into the lane i was in and i hadnt noticed that the guy in front of me was stopped and yeah i had to slam on the brakes and my mom got really mad at me and the scary thing about it is... it was a truck with a trailer on the back of it so we probably would have had our faces smashed.

3:04am: today i went to jennas house for movie night. it was my first official movie night ever. it was ok i got to get to know some kids i met once or twice. ameneh and shaaheen were with me. tomorrow im supposed to go with a bunch of my friends from my old school like a little riunion. i grew up with all these kids and i cant wait to see all of them.. ahh whyy why why did i have to move away from pearland. thats dumb. but ah well i get to see my long lost bff from when i was like seven till i was like fourteen. i've missed the two of them so much!!! ahh i cant wait! sdlkghatbinadas12!!! i got to have a fun time with jessica for the first time in a long time. :)

2:53am: today i went to the mall with ameneh and sarah and met a bunch of these guys that i dont even know there and a few of them were pretty lame but it was still pretty fun. so in all it was a pretty good day aside from a few things. for one, some older man came up to the three of us and was being REALLY REALLY RUDE and talking about how we were all emo and that emo sucks and that we should cut his hair sometime so that he can be in the "scene" and i had to be like fuck you asshole and he didnt even come back and talk to me, so later we saw him again and he said something else and i was like. " what kind of a person are you? i mean you are a grown man and you think thats its your place to tell some young girls that they are fucking emos or whatever it was he said and try to put them in there place. i mean this kid was wearing misfits shoes and patches all over is fuckin ratty as pants and he was to go say shit to us because i
was wearing some shirt im sure he would consider "emo".

what ever fuck him i mean seriously. what an idiot. that kid doesnt even know any of the three of us and he thinks hes a hard ass cause he can talk shit to a bunch of little girls and think it makes a difference.


i was jsut gonna tell you that . remember thise 2 gothic kids they walked past him and he just stared at the and didnt say annything.. yet they were dressed as actuall gothic o rhwtevre <---------- ameneh

1:42pm: tim left this morning. now i guess im back to the same old stuff i always do. i hate having to say goodbye but ahh well. im at my moms house and im still exhausted from sarahs birhtday party. it was soo much fun. i would kill for a fun birthday party like that. i dont think she could have gotten any better. anyways. today i think im just gonna sit around and watch movies. i dont really have anything else to do.

3:58am: tim leaves on saturday. im so scared to say goodbye. i hate it. i went to the beach today with tim and my mom and bill and the waves we so storng that my knees kept collapsing and it was horrible. i dont even know why we went. tomorrow im going to go work out with tim at this gym in my brothers apartments.. ok well time to go to bed. i hope to see lots of my friends at sarahs birthday party and tims going to be there and hopefully they will let the both of us stay the night. im makeing sarah a blanket for her birthday that nicely matches her newly painted bedroom. night.

10:40pm: so i went to astroworld the day before yesterday with ameneh and sarah and it was soo much fun. we went to waterworld and went down every slide and we went on practically every roller coaster. it was actually the most fun that i have had in a really really long time. there was hardly anyone there and we didnt have to wait in any lines really. so all this made for a pretty good welcome home thing. i also got to see shaaheen but only for a few minutes. im excited for the next school year. i miss lunch time. i went to the beach today and had a huge sand fight thingy with tim.

i moved out of my dads house because its hard for him to take care of me and im living with my mom right now in lamarque. im hoping that sarahs nana will let me stay at her house throughout the school year but if that doesnt happen then i dont know what im going to do. my dad says that i have to have all my things out of the house by the end of the month and i dont have anywhere to put my things. if nana changes her mind about letting me stay then im probably going to have to move back to lamarque with all those nasty, dirty, ghetto ass kids all around me all the time. so im hoping to see all you folks again this year but who knows.<3333 lovelovelove!

1:47am: ok so when my mom got to kansas to come get me and tim she and my step dad had to finally meet his dad and grandma. i hate confrentations like that, where everyone is only acting the way they know they should in this situation but you know they are thinking bad things. i offered to take my mom to the drive-in when she was in wichita becauce they have this really nice one and i thought that she would really enjoy herself there but we thought that it was only $10 a car load when actually they wanted us to pay almost fourty so my mom was like no way so that didnt work out. me and tim got into alot of fights during the car ride home because we had to share the back seat of my moms truck together and hes always needing alot of space. i mean i tried to give him space but you know eventually my back started hurting and i started to get grumpy and started acting like a little girl. childish i know, but i couldnt help it. but anyways, we stopped in oklahoma city and stayed the night at my moms friends house and she was a true sweetheart. i cant wait to see her again. well so now im home and tim is asleep. tomorrow my step dad is going to let us use his car to drive to laporte to do some stuff cause we are in lamarque at my moms house. so im probably going to see some of my really good friends tomorrow. hahaha YES!

2:25pm: im coming home in a few days. my mom is drving here to pick me up. thats really nice of her. wow. ok well me and tim might have a plan. he might come home with me and fly home in like a week and a half. ok g2g just wanted to update. i just got back from branson. it was fun although we only stayed for like a day. ok bye<3333

5:04pm: well i think i know when im coming home. on the eleveth or somewhere around there. tims aunt apparently hates me. at least thats what she told his grandma and that she doesnt want me staying there anymore. just because we left the garage door open. she called me a little fucker. god i knew something bad was going to happen. i told sarah and ameneh that i thought something would happen. the funny thing about it all is, she hasnt said one word about being mad at me till now. this is the only thing that i have heard and i just... i dont know what i did. i treated her so well and even though she made me feel a little uncomfortable i tried my absolute hardest to act like myself. obviously she didnt like it. i thought me and her were great, i was so happy, WE WENT SHOPPING, i dont know what i did. i knew i had felt out of place for a reason. and now i have to stay with his cinical grandmother. i just feel like im obviously not welcome anymore if i have to be shifted from place to place. i miss sarah and ameneh. it almost makes me cry. they are practically my sisters. gosh and i am feeling pretty shitty right now and i need them.

1:03am: woop woop
hey kids.
i miss sarah.
i miss ameneh.
tim got a new car today and its really really cool. its a red saturn and its like brand new and the two of us are driving to kansas city on wednesday and going to warped tour. tim is absolutely wonderful. i miss laporte though for some odd reason. ive been getting really sick though lately i dont know whats wrong with me. i love you all. i have to go. mister timothy is mad at me for being on the computer but i love him.

5:17am: im in the basement of tims aunts house unable to sleep and bored. its raining so much here. i miss ameneh and sarah very much. im planning to just stay up i think. i wish they had noggin here. not that i watch tv much but im pretty desperate. i love being with tim. i have never felt this much at home before i dont think. at least i dont remember any time when i was this happy. i made a new friend tonight named jordan. we are gonna shop soon i think. today i went to see starwars with some friends and then we all sneeked into the ymca at like one inthe morning and layed around in the bowl at the skate park.

and now im hereee. in the basement waitning for the rain to end wishing i was warm.